The Walking Dead “New Best Friends” – With Friends like These

…who needs Negan.

When we last left Rick and rescue team 6, they had just been bushwhacked (or is that junkwacked) by a new group. Are they new friends? New enemies? Or simply the people you courteously nod to when you pass on the street while you’re out scavenging for the Saviors?

Let’s find out as once again with another non-beer related post (maybe I’ll start to mention the beer I’m drinking while I’m watching to tie it all together) where I run down some random remarks about this week’s episode. As always my comments from this week’s Facebook live chat that inspire these thoughts are in bold. Spoilers.

Morgan wants his stick

Oh man, some douche took Morgan’s non-killing stick. There are rules, douche. Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, etc, etc. And Morgan said “please”.

Seriously, this renders our most prolific non-killer inactive until he gets his non-killing stick back so that he can return to his non-killing ways.

And he will, douche. One night when you least expect it, Morgan will come and not kill everyone between him and you and then not kill you and take his non-killing stick back, because Morgan will not say please again. You’ll be able to feel the non-death in the air.

In the meantime I guess Morgan will just have to sit around and not kill people. What a waste of a non-killer.

NAME!!!

Richard is trying not to let his dick plan go to shit but Daryl’s having none of it. The man with the crossbow asked you a question, Richard. I don’t think he’d have to ask me twice.

And it’s a pretty serious dick plan. Get the Saviors to discover Carol so they can kill her and piss off the guy who thinks he’s king? Holy crap, what kind of ass drain thinks of a plan like that? The kind of ass drain that deserves to have it all go to shit when he’s forced to spill the beans to one of only a handful of guys remaining in the world who would kill him on the spot for even thinking about such a dick plan.

I’d write that scene. Carol gets struck by lightning. Richard shits his pants.

After Daryl gets the name and puts all the pieces together he gives Richard (who we should now just be referring to as Dick) a rundown of things that better NOT happen to Carol, like rug burns, irritable bowel syndrome, even getting struck by lightning – or someone now referred to as Dick is going to get it.

I would totally do that last one just to see the looks exchanged between Dick and Daryl, “Sorry Dick, I said no lightning. Look at the flowers while I get my crossbow.” The comedy element would be hysterical and watching the fans melt down would be more entertaining than this episode was (not that I didn’t enjoy this episode, I just would enjoy watching that more).

A tad unlikely you say? Remember, we’re talking about the woman who walked out into a one lane, one way street and managed to get hit by one of probably only 20 cars that were still running in Atlanta and probably one of only 5 white paneled station wagons still running in Georgia. If anyone can stumble into the way of lightning, it’s Carol.

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We call it Thunderdome.

Yeah, we know there’s no dome here, but Thunderlandfill just didn’t have the right pop, you, know? Still, we have a woman leader with funny hair and combat sports for fun. No, no methane producing pigs or crashed 747s though. Hmmm, guess we’re not at all like Thunderdome.

Synchronized abduction is the new post-apocalyptic Olympic sport.

Did you see the Scavengers walk our gang into their garbage alley and then on command snap together quickly forming two almost perfect concentric circles around them! That’s some high level group capturing choreography right there, folks! It’s as if one of the surviving groups were made up entirely of the more goth inspired members of your local high school marching  band. Stay tuned for the half-time show.

What should we do with this new character? “Give her a Vulcan haircut!” Brillant! And ears!! “No not the ears. Let’s not get carried away.”

Man, I don’t know who Pollyanna McIntosh’s (who I’ve only seen in a horror movie entitled Let Us Prey alongside Davos from GoT) hair artist is but they either had an old, banged, Vulcan wig from any number of old Star Trek shows/movies laying around, or a serious Moe Howard fetish.

I realize that when a character’s life has been reduced to fighting dead people and gathering supplies for others, they may not have the time or motivation to get that slamming haircut that says, “I’m confident, sexy, and the leader of a group of people who live in a junkyard”, but seriously, you could plane wood with those bangs.

Does that one girl have a fucking bicycle pump?

When a scuffle breaks out among the groups I could swear that one lady was leading the charge with an old-time bicycle pump. And I don’t think it’s the non-killing kind of bicycle pump either. That bicycle pump looks like it’s seen some action. My heart aches for a show down between the girl with the killing bicycle pump and Morgan with his non-killing stick. Which could happen soon, because he’s getting that back, trust!

Celebrity death match!!! Rick strikes first with the ice cube tray!

When Rick squares off against Winslow, who is the ZAE (Zombie Apocalypse Event) version of Chopper, the junkyard dog from Stand By Me, (if Chopper were a zombie encased in metal and covered with sharp spikes) it’s in an area that is totally surround by high walls of garbage. The only weapons Rick has are his wits and whatever the Fergusons threw out before the world ended.

It was a kill or be killed moment, so Rick grabbed the first thing that he could, which looked like a large plastic ice cube tray. It shattered pretty easily, so I don’t think it was, but it definitely wasn’t a good first pick from the wall of weapons. But it was a pretty funny moment and staggered this reality’s version of the Tin Man enough for Rick to set up his killer Dim Mak Death Palm, with less than stellar results…

winslow
Your Death Palm Gung Fu is no match for my headdress.

Here we go again folks. I can hear the “this is where Rick finally loses his hand” people now.

I love how this show sometimes dicks with the people who read the comics. Case in point, we all know what happened to Glenn in the TV show, which was the same thing that happened in the comics. And the show twisted that knife several times by having Glenn and a baseball bat intersect several times during the show.

Same can be said with Rick’s hand. Rick gets his hand cut off in the comics and the show has also teased about playing that card several times. This possible time arises when Rick decides to use his Dim Mak Death Palm against Winslow only to be foiled by Winslow’s Metallic Spikes of the Dead.

But eventually Rick gets the upper hand (really, it is upper because it’s stuck on Winslow’s forehead for a bit) and it’s just a matter of pulling a bunch of garbage down on top of the old boy and then dispatching him after some first class coaching from Michonne. Good game guys! Way to play defense!

Drive me home, baby. I’m drunk. Or bleeding out. I can’t tell.

Rick is kind of loopy after his cage match, which is understandable because the dude is losing blood from his hand at about a 0.6 on the Muta scale. Seriously, if you or I had this wound in the real world, we’d have three towels wrapped around it while yelling at the person next to us to drive faster.

But not Rick, he’s a man’s man and even though he’s dropping puddles on the floor like Ric Flair, he still takes the time to have an emotional man-to-man with his priest and go shopping for his girlfriend (more on that below).

The King’s Cobbler, still a better story than The Rock in The Road

Well, it’s taken a ZAE and the loss of her abusive husband, but Carol is final experiencing what it’s like to be one of the pretty girls. She just wants to be left alone, but all the guys keep coming to her house and asking her to the dance.

Here’s a tip for you guys, if you ever have to start a conversation with, “I know you said you just wanted to be left alone…”, then maybe you should reevaluate your decision making process.

But luckily, the man who thinks he’s king has come bearing his majesty’s peach cobbler, which is either simply all the king’s bakers know how to make or the official coin of the realm now. I don’t know which.

I saw that metal cat and I just had to have it! It’s so you! I know, right!

“Victory!! Well, not really. Uneasy understanding!! That’s more like it. So, we got grabbed by this group, I got forced to fight a walker encased in armor and spikes, forged a very, very shaky alliance once I proved my worth and just for the hell of it, I’m taking this metal cat for my girlfriend. Like, I’m not even going to ask. And fuck if it belongs to anyone in this marching band trained, American Pickers group, because I’ve lost half my blood and all I can think of right now is how much I just heart my girl. Whoa! Soooo much blood loss.”

What a missed op, Daryl. If you’d have told Carol the truth she’d have been all, “Really, hold my beer.”

Some people on my FB group disagree with me on this, saying that Carol is broken, needs to find herself, work through her issues, blah, blah. Look no doubt, but here’s the thing, unless the writers deviate from cliche character writing 101, you know it’s going to happen sometime, so my thought is let’s just get on with it.

Carol finding out who Negan killed may be the kick in that ass she needs, because you know, we don’t need mopey, contemplative Carol. No, we need the Carol who goes all John Wick on large groups of evil doers and can blow up a propane tank from 200ft away with a bottle rocket, which was about a 6.5 on the WVIS (white van impossibility scale) but that’s how bad ass Carol is. She could probably even turn Morgan’s non-killing stick into a killing stick. That’s some Baba Yaga level power right there!

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“People keep asking if I’m back. And I haven’t really had an answer. But now, yeah, I’m thinkin’ I’m back!”

I ship Daryl and Shiva

Nothing makes me smile more than when a guy and a CGI tiger bond. It’s so heartwarming. Nothing fake about it what so ever. Well, except the tiger.

The Talking Dead were commenting on how funny it would have been to see Shiva pull Daryl through the bars and kill him, BUT NOT SO FAST BOYS! Save that one for later, because Daryl has to be alive to make my Carol getting struck by lightning scene work.

Tell you what, let’s woodshed in the writer’s room and get this all worked out. Lots to do. Plus we have to figure out how Morgan is going to get his non-killing stick back in the most dramatic and violent non-killing way. We may need to get some coffee in here. Looks to be a long night…

…which means I’m outta here! Was this one more shitty than last week’s post? Let me know in the comments and I guarantee it will have no baring on how shitty next week’s is.

The Walking Dead “Rock in the Road” – Well We’re Walking.

…..and walking.

The Walking Dead continues to be one of my favorite shows on TV and I look forward to it every week. That doesn’t mean that the show sometimes makes me scratch my head, or just confuse me outright.

I watch the show while at the same time participating in “Live Chat” on a WD Facebook page with like minded people. We watch the show while at the same time making inspiring comments about it, some are deep value adding comments on the technical issues of the show while some are just stupid. Think MST3K. But without the talent. Or the budget.

I wrote a buddy who I used to work with when the show went on mid-season break, but moved to another job not long after. He wanted to know what I thought, and after tossing together some musings on the show based on some of the chat comments I made I thought, why not rewrite it and post it.

I’m always wishing to expand the posts on this blog from just beer related stuff and so here we are. You wonderful people, are the benefactors of this whim. I won’t be posting it on my blog’s FB page as I think I should keep that all beer related, so only you fine people who follow through WordPress or get my blog through email get to see this. Yeah, you!! Happy Valentines day!

The comments in BOLD are what I wrote during live chat, the normal text underneath as context to the comment. OH – and spoilers.

“Do happy tears count?”

This was in response to someone who asked if anyone would cry if Father Gabriel died after raiding  (loudly, I mean isn’t anyone on guard) the pantry and driving off in a car. I’ll admit there really wasn’t an out pouring of support from the group for the man, but a tear is a tear, right? But I was told the tears had to be in sadness. Sorry, no can do. I mean, for Jerry who is the new bitchin’ character on this show, yes. Father Gabriel, no.

As for Father Gabriel? He’s dead now because we’ve all seen enough horror movies to know that the person who sat up in the car as he drove away was probably some deranged killer and we all know what happens next.

gabriel-passanger
I know what you did – 5 minutes ago in the pantry.

“Yeah, a boat, looks like the Minnow…just sit right back”

There’s now a picture of a shipwrecked boat in the opening credits montage – because why not? I guess Oceanside is going to be such a big part of this story this year, that they get their own nod in the credits. I mean, it doesn’t look like that boat from that other show that now doesn’t have a boat, but used have a boat – so I think we’re safe.

“googly eye…no s”

Someone in our group accused Coral of giving Enid googly eyes. I had to correct them. But damn that kid was working his eye patch on her. I think she digs the patch.

“Coral is your second gunman?? The one-eyed kid?”

Really? After Rick states that the group only has two guns we find out that Coral is holding the second one. WTF? The one-eyed kid who has a disturbing habit of siting his guns with the non one-eye?

Negan stated in the previous episode that the kid, “mowed down several of my men with a machine gun”, but I don’t think he should get gun privileges for that since that wasn’t his goal going into the whole situation! His objective was to kill Negan, who he missed in spectacular stormtrooper fashion.

Besides, we’ve already established that most of the women in the group are better shots than him even back when he could make googly eyes. No, give the gun to Sasha and let Coral put his patch to less dangerous uses, like flirting with Enid.

carl-gun
What could go wrong?

“Pot plants! Pot plants as far as the eye can see”

Come on. Guy thinks he’s king, has dreads (that’s racist) and has a CGI tiger which everyone in the kingdom acts as if it is real (come on guys, we know it’s the emperor’s new tiger). Guys run around in catcher’s chest protectors and think they look cool? And Jerry? Well Jerry is just too happy for a guy who is one mistake away from a Roy Horn type CGI tiger attach. You know they’re smoking something. Those tomato plants are hiding something.

“I’d like to see Ezekiel say, “what the fuck was that story about!!?!?””

The story about the dick king who put a stone in the middle of the road which basically crippled his people. The one who put a bag of gold under it because the person who decided to move the stone should be rewarded. That story. WTF? What was the point?

Oh, and not fair that the little girl in the story lost her family’s beer. That’s boss level dickdom right there! What kind of mother tells this story? But then again, Ezekiel uses Martin Luther King speeches as bedtime stories so I guess that’s just the way the world is in this show.

“OH, and hey Morgan, who did Negan kill? How about the two A list characters that aren’t in the room right now.”

Funniest question of the night was when Morgan asks who Negan killed. Who is not there that you’d care about, Morgan? Carol? No, you know where Carol is. Aaron’s husband? No, no one cares about him. In fact, most viewers were probably like me and totally forgot that Aaron was married because the show doesn’t even care to show much of the relationship because even they know it’s boring. The goat from your award-winning standalone episode? Ask the CGI tiger.

Oh, and I love Rosita throwing shade at Morgan, “think you were right, now?” after telling him who is dead. Ah, he was. He told you not to attack the Saviors. If you’d have listened to him Mother Dick and Pizza Boy would still be alive. But Rosita is bringing the Latino heat tonight (more on that in a moment) so I guess she’s not going to let the facts get in the way of a good burn.

“OK guys what do we want to do for this episode? “Group walking. Lots of group walking.””

Really, this episode puts the ‘Walking’ in The Walking Dead. Cue up the Proclaimer’s “500 miles” at the beginning of the credits and I’m sure it syncs up perfectly with the rest of the show. The group seems to spend 1/3 of the TV time walking in loose group formation. It’s like the scene in Deadpool at the end when they’re epic walking toward the bad guys to DMX. Except none of our group are chrome, has a Sinead O’Conner haircut, regenerates axed limbs or knows DMX. Gripping TV.

“Damn Rosita……”

I always thought fucking the same dead guy automatically made you friends, or at least pinky buddies. I mean, who else are you going to commiserate with at the funeral? Well not in Rosita’s world. The funny thing is just the episode before when the group all re-united, the sisters in blood gave each other a “we cool” nod and I thought Rosita nodded first. Oh well, just goes to show you Rosita don’t give a damn if you’ve fucked the same dead guy – which I’m hoping will become the new running gag for the show where all the women take turns pegging Rosita’s men – and then the men die.

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“This is Negan on 94.7 FM on your radio dial bringing [you] all of the post zombie apocalypse hits”

The team gets a walkie-talkie (courtesy of Jesus because, plot!) to listen in on Negan’s men and we find out that Negan doesn’t really want to be a spaghetti cooking mean girl, husband to 100 women, or ruler of the world. No, all he wants is to be an FM radio disc jockey!  Really, Negan’s over the airwaves eulogizing of Fat Joey was funny as shit, not to mention very important information for his men, because you know, now that fat Joey is dead, thin Joey has been promoted to just Joey. You wouldn’t want to make that mistake at the next spaghetti night.

“that was COOL AS FUCK!!”

As totally impractical and impossible as it was, that Slice Capade (credit to the fine folks at Talking Dead for the name) scene was dope as hell. Just when you think you’ve run out of ways to kill a herd of zombies in one glorious CGI blood bath, Scott Gimble and his gang says, “hold our beer” and we get a presentation of zombie purging that just makes you laugh out loud (as opposed to LOL which is an entirely different thing) plus the most impressive demonstration of cable related carnage since Ghost Ship.

Yeah, it was about an 8.5 on the white van impossibility scale, but it still was an awesome visual and a gratuitous reason to toss zombie guts all over the camera.

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“He went to find Jesus…doesn’t know he’s one town over”

Where did Father Gabriel go? That question was asked many times throughout the night. I suggested he left to find Jesus. The thing is that in this world finding Jesus is easier than you’d think. He’s usually in the next town over distributing communication equipment. Oh, he goes by Paul now because this time around Jesus is way more down to earth.

“HE SMILED!!!!! HOLY CRAP THE GUY SMILED!!”

When they were in the car after the Slice Capade, Michonne asked Rick to smile but he didn’t. I commented that he couldn’t smile, and then in the last shot, he did. What did he see? Or was it who?

The show’s producers say it was because Rick realizes he’s found his army, but I think he was just happy with all the women because it gives him more dating options because you know Michonne has lived well past the “Rick Grimes love interest” shelf life that this show has established.

And there you have it. Just some random stupid thoughts about a show that just seems to ask for them. Not sure if this will become a weekly thing or not, but you never know. If you liked it, subscribe to find out. If you thought it was shit let me know in the comments. I won’t promise that it will make the next one less shitty, but I will promise that you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that you made no impact on its quality what so ever.

If nothing else, I’ll probably be doing a review of Iron Fist when it drops in March, which won’t be the first time I’ve written about the Netflix Marvel universe.

Cheers!

Five Television Shows I Watch and What I’d Drink With Them

I’m stuck with a dead laptop at home this week, so I’m relegated to dredging up some drafts I’ve had laying around that I can shine up and post at lunch during work.  Of course, there’s probably a reason why some of them have been banished to the depths of my draft folder all this time.   Here’s an amazingly innovative (boring) and unique (done to death) topic on TV shows I like to watch!  Don’t kick yourself because you didn’t think of it first guys, we can’t ALL be on the cutting edge.

To keep anyone from reading this and getting all grumpy….be warned, beyond this sentence, there be… SPOILERS!

GAME OF THRONES

The Best Thing About It: Peter Dinklage’s character Tyrion (for which Peter won Best Supporting actor at both the Emmy’s and the Golden Globes) is possibly one of the best characters on TV right now.

The Quickie:  When the king of the Seven Kingdoms dies in a hunting accident, claimants to the throne start coming out of the woodwork.  Prince Joffery takes the throne believing himself to be the rightful successor, but in reality he’s not the king’s son, but the son of his mother the queen and her brother – yep, I’m not going to lie (I’m lying) this show is deep with wholesome family values.  As war breaks out across the kingdoms everyone turns a blind eye to a greater problem – winter is coming, someone has stolen the dragons, it appears the White Walkers are on the move again after thousands of years, and everyone seems to have forgotten about the naked man they tied behind a horse in episode 6.

Why I Watch:  Smartly written and beautifully filmed.  The story constantly takes twists you would not expect.

Example: Producers would not consider going forward with the show unless they were able to get veteran actor Sean Bean to agree to play Ned Stark, friend of and later Hand of the King.  Most shows would have been thrill to have an actor of Bean’s caliber on the show for it’s entire run.  But instead the producers hired Bean to play a character who is beheaded by Joffery ¾ of the way into season 1.

How It Has Impacted My Life:  Composer Ramin Djawadi’s (Iron Man, Person of Interest) theme constantly gets stuck in my head and I routinely finding myself rooting for wolves.

What I Would Drink With It:  As a good amount of action takes place in the North, or is geared around the coming of Winter, any Winter Warmer or Winter style ale should do.  Or find one of these:

Disclaimer: The above labels are not real.  Any time wasted by you looking for these beers is strictly a sign of wishful thinking.

THE WALKING DEAD

The Best Thing About It: Zombies!

The Quickie:  Sheriff Rick Grimes wakes up in the hospital after being shot to  discover the horror of not only having to remove his own catheter, but that the dead are returning as flesh-eating zombies.   Soon he finds himself leading a small group of survivors who don’t like or trust each other.   And to make matters worse, the zombies are not always the most dangerous things in this new world.

Why I Watch: Did I mention zombies?  Do I really have to say anything else?  Plus you never know who’s going to get eaten next.

Example:  Rick’s partner Shane and a farmer’s son Otis sneak into town for some supplies.  When they get hopelessly over run by “walkers”, Shane shoots Otis in the leg in a classic example of “I don’t have to out run the bear, I just have to out run you.”

How It Has Impacted My Life:

My Plan: Get to a Walmart with a Liquor Store Next Door.

What I Would Drink With It: Either Three Floyds’ Zombie Dust or Hop Zombie from Epic Beer in New Zealand.

THE BIG BANG THEORY

The Best Thing About It: Intelligent “nerdy” humor.

The Quickie:  Four brilliant Caltech scientists fumble their way through everyday ordinary life.  While one of them (Leonard) tries to have a normal relationship with the woman who lives across the hall he must put up with the fact they all live outside of the normal world.

Why I Watch:  I get all the “nerd” jokes: comic books, sci-fi, science stuff.  Yeah, I was one of those guys (except on the opposite end of the IQ scale).  Plus I’m not going to lie (this time I’m not lying) Kaley Cuoco is just a cutie.

Example:  This cracks me up every time I see it.

Click for YouTube video

How It Has Impacted My Life: Yelling “Bazinga” whenever someone takes something stupid I say at face value, knowing way to much about Schrödinger’s cat, and confirming my opinion that yes, Aquaman does indeed “suck”.

What I’d Drink With It:  With much of the humor laced with matters of science and space I’d recommend either a Singularity Russian Imperial Stout from Driftwood Brewing, Dark Matter from Hoyne Brewing or The Physics by Brewdog.

DOCTOR WHO

The Best Thing About It: Just about everything – but at the moment, Matt Smith.

The Quickie:  A 1000+ year-old Time Lord travels through time and space in a time machine that’s stuck in the shape of a 1960s English police box.

Why I Watch: It seems like I’ve always been watching it.  The franchise will be celebrating it’s 50th year anniversary in 2013 and I hopped on sometime in the early 70s.  Because I was greatly into the show in its US hay day of the 80’s I went to a few conventions and really formed a bond to the show’s past, which stays with me to this day.

Example:  I’ve personally met Patrick Troughton, John Pertwee and Colin Baker; all of which have played the Doctor.  I’ve also met companions John Levene, Louise Jameson, Lalla Ward, Sarah Sutton, Mark Strickson, Janet Fielding, Nicola Bryant, Carol Ann Ford, and Bonnie Langford; along with Anthony Ainley who played the Doctor’s archenemy, The Master.

How It Has Impacted My Life:  Thinking “Would you like a Jelly Baby?” is a great pick up line, believing that bow ties are indeed cool, and answering “spoilers!” when my manager asks me how I’m going to get my report done in time for European submission.  And most importantly – giving me something else to be besides a Star Trek nerd.

What I Would Drink With It: Anything, but I wish they actually made this….

But you can get the T-Shirt!

ONCE UPON A TIME

The Best Thing About It: Jennifer Morrison (House, Star Trek)

The Quickie:  The Evil Queen from the fairy tales casts a curse on everyone, trapping well-known fairy tale characters in this world in a town called Storybrooke.  As the fairy tale characters go about their normal lives, one boy tries to convince his mother that she’s the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, and as such is the only one who can break the Queen’s curse.

Why I Watch:  Creative retelling of well known fairy tale characters.   The weaving of the stories in the fairy tale world and the real world are very well done. 

Example:  The Evil Queen convinces a man named Jefferson to use his magic hat to take her to Wonderland despite his reluctance to go and leave his daughter home alone.  Once there, the evil queen rescues her father, who the Queen of Hearts had imprisoned.  But that causes a problem.  As Jefferson had cautioned earlier, since two people entered Wonderland, only two people can leave.  The queen returns to the fairy tale world with her father, leaving Jefferson to be captured by the Queen of Hearts.  When the Queen asks him how he got to Wonderland, she commands him to make another magic hat.  The last scene is Jefferson in a room full of hundreds of hats, slowly going mad trying to create another one with the magic to return him to his world and his daughter.

How It Has Impacted My Life: Replacing Fox’s “Animation Domination” in my Sunday night TV line-up.   I didn’t think anything would ever do that.  But let’s face it, The Simpson’s have been running on empty for awhile (except for the opening sequences), and the Cleveland show is hit or miss.

What I Would Drink With It: Suntory Brewing’s Snow White from Japan, Mad Hatter IPA from New Holland Brewing, or Jamieson’s Raspberry Ale from Australian whose ad, much like this show, had a different take on the Snow White story:

No, as a matter of fact Disney was NOT happy.

Time for another beer…..

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