Possessed Microwaves, and Big Oyster’s DANG!

The other night my daughter and her friend were over for dinner. Whenever the girl visits from school the go to meal is usually cavatelli and broccoli, a simple dish that luckily also calls for bacon and parmesan cheese – because broccoli, is….well, broccoli.

When it was time to put in the broccoli, I placed a two bags of frozen chopped in our usually reliable microwave, pushed the defrost button and turned my back to continue to pull the dish together. The next thing I know my daughter was saying with an emphatic tone, “Dad, your microwave is on fire!”

I quickly turned to find that although there was indeed cause for alarm my daughter’s statement did not properly convey the situation that was unfolding. Because, although the microwave was dutifully going about its business, the receptacle it was plugged into be like…

sparks flying anima

I personally believe it was the microwave showing its displeasure at having to defrost broccoli. I might be wrong about that. I just know from past experience that broccoli can mess some shit up which is why little kids won’t touch the stuff. They know. Their survival instincts are uncanny.

So, the microwave was unplugged, the receptacle checked for issues, marked for replacement, and calm was restored in the household.

The next night I wanted popcorn. Believing popcorn to be more agreeable to the microwave than broccoli (and having not swapped out the receptacle yet), I moved stuff around on the kitchen counter so I could plug the microwave into another receptacle. When I pressed the popcorn button the fan and the carousel worked fine, but as soon as the magnetron kicked on, the kitchen lights be like…

Lights out Anima

At this point I believed that the microwave was indeed putting out some “demonic spirit” type vibe as my knowledge of the electrical wiring in the house assured me that the light and the receptacle are not on the same circuit. I might be wrong about that. I just know that demonic spirits can mess some shit up which is why dogs won’t go near them. They know. Their survival instincts are uncanny.

Realizing I only had one option open to me, I unplugged the microwave and stood there in silence. I’d had this microwave for a very long time and it had always proven to be a trusted and faithful servant (its defrost function was on point!), but once demonic spirits get into your microwave there is little you can do.

No, once your microwave has been infested with demonic spirits the only option left to you is to fill the inside with salt and sage, and bury it on holy ground during a full moon. I might be wrong about that. I just know that improperly interred demonic spirit infested microwaves can mess some shit up which is why school lunch ladies won’t go near them. They know. Their survival instincts are uncanny. And always drive back to your house using a circuitous route so that the angry spirits cannot follow you back and infest your new microwave.

Exorcism? Yeah,  you could try that, but always make sure you check with your Demonologist and Master of the Black Arts before hand…

constantine

Empty stomach? Yeah, well I could take care of that with some popcorn or a Celeste’s Frozen Pizza, but in case you haven’t been keeping up, my microwave is…..Oh, you mean beer! Well, luckily I had that covered with Big Oyster Brewery’s DANG! IPA. Let’s taste.

THEM: BOB lists DANG! as a New England/West Coast crossover of the seasonal variety and describes it thusly on their website, “Dang! is one of our most popular beers. Brewed with flaked wheat and dry hopped three times for a pronounced citrus, fruity aroma.DANG! Clocks in at 5.8%ABV.

BUZZ: Ratebeer (3.6/5 – only one rating), Beer Advocate (3.86/5), Untappd (3.8/5)

DE AVAILABILITY: Selected fine beer outlets.

ME: Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve probably worked through four of five 4-packs of this beer. That’s right, DANG! comes in the devil-witchery packaging that is the 4-pack. But, since it is a 4-pack of 16-oz cans, we’ll cut some slack here.

Dang! is a pretty beer, as long as you don’t mind some haze (and you shouldn’t), pouring a golden hue with hints of orange dancing in the light. The nose is stuffed with all kinds of hoppy aromas like tropical fruits, citrus and earthy notes. The flavor doesn’t stray from the hops very far, although there is a touch of caramel tucked in there and when the beer warms up a bit I almost get an iced tea vibe from it, but that just might be my palate playing tricks.

But it’s the hops that are definitely front and center here, with more tropical fruits, citrus and herbal goodness. Surprisingly, DANG! doesn’t finish as big and bitey on the back end as you might expect (although Tracey would probably disagree).

All in all, Big Oyster’s DANG! fits the New England/West Coast crossover description fairly well and if hoppy beers, and/or the recent New England IPA craze are your thing, one you should probably try while it’s still available.

Time for another beer.

Dang-5427
THE FINAL SIP: I believe the best way to ensure that demonic spirits do not move into your newly purchased microwave is to perform an initial blessing by offering it something of value.  But I might be wrong about that…

 

Author: Ed (The Dogs of Beer)

Beer Blog focused on Delaware & surrounding area. Drinker of beer. Writer of stuff. Over user of commas. Dangler of prepositions.

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