The Commotion of Being Freshly Pressed, or “Honey! I Brought the Bloggers Home for Dinner!”

Sigh deeply.  Stick my left overs in the microwave and press “REHEAT”. Take out my phone and check my email and messages. I do this every day because my office and lab are dead zones to my cell provider which ironically pays for 20% of my service charge because it’s my company’s preferred provider.  Guess this is their way of getting 20% back.

Sigh again.  The usual stuff. My son telling me he wont be home that night, a couple tweets, and a missed call from a number that’s been calling me for weeks but leaves no voice messages.

Check email. Usual stuff. Post notifications. Comments.  Whats this from WordPress? An editor? My post has been Fresh……..  What?  Read again.  Freshly Pressed.  Check address.  That’s me.  Throw arms in the air and shout “Woohoo!”  Pull hands down and look around sheepishly.  Did anyone hear or see me do that?

Hurry back to desk.  Pull email up on office computer.  Look it over.  Looks legit.  Do happy dance.  Wait, which post?  Read again.  BAH!  The one with the Rowan Atkinson pictures.  Laugh.  If only they knew how many times that one almost ended up in the trash.  Read email again.  That’s exactly what it says “for creative use of Rowan Atkinson pictures”.  Not my rapier like wit?  Not my detailed narrative?  Oh, who am I kidding, Rowan’s the man:

Reach for lunch.  Sigh.  Walk back to microwave to retrieve the lunch that’s still inside it.  Look at woman who is patiently waiting to use microwave and say, “I don’t care if I’m holding you up!  I’ve been FRESHLY PRESSED!”.  Ok, don’t say that.  Say “Sorry” instead.

Think about it the whole day.  Should I add a welcome message to the top?  Am I allowed to?  No, did the Louvre paint “Thanks for stopping by!” on the Mona Lisa when they hung it in the Salle des États?  Wait, did I just compare my goofy blog to one of the most historically important paintings of all time?

Sorry.

Go home.  Greet editor.  Tell editor what a great job he did.  Let editor out to go to the bathroom because that’s the only thing he seems to care about at the moment.  Let editor back in.  Repeat praise.  He’s really happy to hear the news.  Or it just may be the cookie I have in my hand.

Relax with beer.  When asked by Tracey what’s for dinner, say “Get your own dinner!  I’ve been FRESHLY PRESSED!”  Ok, don’t say that either.  Go into kitchen and start rooting inside freezer.  Think about it again.  Shrug.  Go through evening as normal and then go to bed.  After all, there’s nothing really to do.

Wake up in a panic!  There’s so much to do.  I have potentially hundreds of  people stopping by today and the blog is a wreck!  This isn’t a dinner party with hundreds of guests where I can “clean” by turning down the lights and lighting some candles.  Maybe I can ask everyone stopping by to turn the brightness down on their monitors.  Would that even work?

Hit computer.  Decide to straighten this place up from top to bottom.  Start with the obvious first, T.H.E.D.O.G.S.O.F.B.E.E.R.  Ok, the title is spelled correctly.  Read post again.  And again.  Read past two posts and ABOUT page.

Change “glasses” picture to “sad dog” one.  Ug, the picture needs to be hosted.  Where did I do that?  Imageshack?  Where the hell is that?  Find Imageshack.  Password.  What’s my password.  Hmmm, apparently I should have asked what’s my user name.  Finally get combination right.  Upload “sad dog” picture, resize and add to sidebar.

Get interrupted by boss.  Grind my molars as he drones on about a project he’s been working on.  On most days I just wouldn’t care.  But today a REALLY DON’T CARE!  Finally break down and scream, “I don’t care about your pissy little project!  I need to get my blog in order because I’ve been Freshly Pressed”.  Yeah, I think you can guess.  Nod helplessly.  Sigh when he leaves.  Check WordPress.  Still haven’t been put up on FP page yet.  Still time.

Check layout.  My blog roll isn’t visible until you scroll down.  That’s not good, I want people to see who I’m reading.  Edit blog roll.  Remove blogs that are no longer posting and add new ones I’m following.  Check all links.  Ok.  Now move it up to the top of the sidebar so people will see it.  Check layout.  Looks good.  It just moved Twitter down the sidebar.

Twitter!  Check Twitter feed to make sure I haven’t tweeted anything stupid, off color or risque in the last 24hours.  Make mental note not to reply or retweet anything from Miss Boobalicious, SubmissiveAngel, or Sassy McMelons in the next 48 hours.

Check layout again.  Step back.  Sigh.  It’s done.  Nothing more is going to make it any better than it is.  Nothing to do now, but wait for the guests to arrive…

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And arrive they did.  My time being “freshly pressed” was exciting.  I’d like to thank everyone who came to check out my blog.  I’d also like to thank those who left comments and especially those who have elected to stick around.  Hopefully I’ll continue to deliver whatever it was that got me freshly pressed.

In conclusion, I think Oliver said it best.  A picture is worth a thousand words:

Now enough of all the self congratulatory back patting.  Time to get this blog back to what it does – beer.